Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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