also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
