The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize