she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
