He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
