Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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