why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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