she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
