Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
