wat bout pragnant strippers??
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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