Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
