my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
