I think im going to throw up on grandma
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
