It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
