Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
