Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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