Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
