this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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