WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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