I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
