I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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