so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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