even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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