The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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