If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
