Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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