The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
