you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
