Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
