If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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