Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
