no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
