3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
