You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
