I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
