Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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