I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
