Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
