man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
