When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
