Can i not drive my cunt home
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
