I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
