Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
