I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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