i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
