i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
