yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Randomize
