I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
