I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
