I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
